


Lawrence High Angels

by castielofasgard



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 'cause you ain't finding none of that here, Alternate Universe - High School, Castiel's POV, M/M, completed fic, hope you weren't looking for slow burn, warning there are a few gay slurs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-31
Updated: 2015-07-31
Packaged: 2018-04-12 05:22:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4466963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castielofasgard/pseuds/castielofasgard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For most of his life, Cas Novak's only friend was Balthazar. But tragedy and good fortune often come hand in hand, leading Cas to meet the Winchesters...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just One Friend

Cas leaned against the wall outside the principal’s office, his hands in his pockets and his tattered beige messenger bag over his shoulder, watching his fellow students file past on their way to their cars and buses. He removed his left hand from his pocket, glanced at his watch, then turned to the office door.  
“Five, four, three, two...” he muttered.  
The door swung open and a sandy-blond boy in a black leather jacket emerged with a smirk on his face.  
“Hello, Balthazar,” Cas said.  
“Cas! Should’ve known you’d be waiting for me!” his friend said brightly.  
“Just like I’ve done every week for the last four years,” said Cas, rolling his eyes.  
“What, has it really been every week?” Balthazar asked, tossing an arm around Cas’s shoulders and steering them toward the front doors.  
“Sometimes twice a week. I’ve kept track,” said Cas. “How did you manage it this time?”  
“I might have brought whiskey to calculus...”   
“Balthazar, it’s the first day of school!” Cas groaned exasperatedly.  
“All the more reason!” said Balthazar.  
He kicked open the door and led the way to his car. He unlocked the doors with a click of a button and pranced over to the driver’s side as Cas tossed his old bag in and ducked into the passenger seat.  
“Besides,” Balthazar continued, starting the ignition. “It’s senior year. It’s now or never, baby!”

Balthazar was Cas’ one and only friend. They’d known each other since elementary school, and while other friends came and went, they were the only ones that stuck to each other no matter what. Cas was quiet and didn’t make friends easily, an orphan who lived with his aunt and uncle, loved history and animals, and was constantly picked on by Lawrence High’s resident bullies – Michael and his little gang of sidekicks, Ralph, Naomi, and Marv. Cas could totally take them if he wanted to, but Balthazar was always there to tell them to bugger off.   
Balthazar was not the type of guy you would expect to be friends with the quiet nerdy kid and no one else. He was rebellious and charming, good with girls but never able to make anything last longer than a hook-up. He lived with his mother just a block away from Cas; in fact, Cas could see his roof from his bedroom window. His father had walked out on them when he was little and had shown up many years later to hound them for money multiple times before he wandered drunkenly onto a freeway and got plowed by a semi-truck. Balthazar despised his dad for the trouble he’d given his mom and he admitted once to Cas that he was terrified of growing up like him.  
Cas and Balthazar would trust each other with their lives. And there was almost nothing that they didn’t know about each other. Balthazar was actually the only person alive who knew that Cas was gay. He was too nervous to tell his aunt and uncle and he couldn’t dream of coming out publicly – he got picked on enough as it was without getting “fag” spray-painted on his locker. But Balthazar knew and that was enough for him. 

The car came to a stop with a squeaking of brakes outside Cas’ house.   
“See you tomorrow!” said Cas as he scooped up his bag and got out of the car.  
“Au revoir, mon ami!” Balthazar replied.   
Cas laughed and shut the door, waving as he walked up the driveway. Balthazar waved back and zoomed off, considerably over the speed limit. Cas just rolled his eyes and sauntered through the front door.


	2. Lost and Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas never knew what his worst nightmare was until it happened.
> 
> Neither did he know what his best daydream was until it drove into his life in a black Impala.

A week and a half had passed since the first day of school. It was a Friday evening, the sun had just barely sunk behind the trees, and Cas was reading on his bed while a pleasant breeze blew through the open window. Cas finished a chapter and marked the page, yawning. A particularly strong gust of air fluttered the curtains, bringing with it the smell of smoke. Cas shrugged it off as someone barbecuing, but only a few minutes later he could hear sirens in the distance. Cas ignored them and laid back against his pillows, closing his eyes. Then he sat up very suddenly. The sirens were getting extremely close. Frowning, he went to the window and looked down at the road just as two fire trucks whizzed past, followed closely by an ambulance. He looked up and his heart plummeted as he caught sight of the house that was on fire.  
“Balthazar,” he gasped.  
Fear clenching at his gut, Cas flew across his room and shoved his feet into a pair of tennis shoes, not even bothering to tie the laces. He grabbed a jacket from the back of the desk chair and careened down the stairs, tossing on the jacket as he went.  
“Cas, what the hell is going on?” his uncle cried, coming out of the living room. “Where are you going?”  
Cas ignored him and rushed out the front door, slamming it behind him. He ran as fast as he could down the street on the well-beaten route to his best friend’s house. Hurrying around a corner, he tripped on his untied shoe laces and fell to the concrete, throwing his hands out to catch himself. His hands and knees stung as his jeans ripped and loose gravel ground into the fresh scrapes, but ignored the pain and scrambled to his feet, hardly losing a beat. Finally he reached Balthazar’s street and came to a screeching halt. The entire house was a smoldering shell, loose beams and clusters of still-hot ash shifting and falling as the last of the flames were extinguished and a few firemen examined the ruin. Heart beating fast from the run and from fear, Cas scanned the crowd surrounding the house, but he saw no signs of Balthazar or his mother. Cas started running toward the house, determined to find him friend, but a soot-covered arm barred his way.   
“You need to stay back,” the fireman said.  
“No, please, that’s my friend’s house, I need to know if he’s alright,” Cas panted.  
The fireman looked at him pityingly.  
“I’m sorry, son, but no one made it out in time. The flames just went up too fast,” he said, placing a gentle hand on Cas’ shoulder before walking away.  
Cas swallowed hard. The fireman’s words seemed to be taking a long time to register in his brain.  
“No.... he can’t.... he can’t be...” he gasped.  
He lunged forward again, but this time a strong, familiar arm wrapped around him from behind. His uncle had come after him.  
“No, please, I have to find him, he can’t be dead,” Cas sobbed, struggling against his uncle’s grip.  
“Cas, come on, come back home. There’s nothing you can do,” his uncle murmured gently.  
“No! He can’t be dead, he can’t be! Balthazar, please, you can’t be dead! Balthazar!” cried Cas.  
But the more desperately Cas cried and struggled, the tighter his uncle held onto him. There was a sound of quickly approaching footsteps and Cas’ aunt jogged up to them, a horrified look on her face.   
“Please, I have to find him! He can’t be dead, he’s the only friend I have!”   
“Cas, please listen to me,” his aunt said quietly, taking his face in her hands. “You can’t save him, sweetheart. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Please, sweetheart, just come home.”  
Cas stared at her, practically blinded by the tears streaming down his cheeks, and let his aunt and uncle lead him away. About halfway down the street, he stopped in his tracks and turned back to look at the blackened remains of Balthazar’s house one last time, then followed slowly between his aunt and uncle the rest of the way home.

The next day, there were two little paragraphs in the obituary section of the paper mentioning the deaths of Balthazar and his mother. On Sunday, Michael, Cas and Balthazar’s long-time enemy from school, was arrested for arson. On Monday, Cas went back to school and was completely alone. People in the hallway would whisper as they passed him; all of them knew that he was the friend of “that kid who died over the weekend”. On Tuesday, everyone was called to the auditorium after fifth period for a memorial assembly. Cas wished he didn’t have to go. Everyone sitting within viewing distance of him kept glancing at him periodically throughout the assembly as though waiting to see if he would break down. On Wednesday, Cas skipped lunch period because he was sobbing in a bathroom stall, and even though plenty of people knew he was in there, no one bothered to comfort him. On Thursday, people were no longer whispering about Balthazar as they passed Cas in the hallways. On Thursday, there was the news that two new kids, a pair of brothers, had just moved to Lawrence High. It didn’t seem as though many people were really too interested in them – apparently they were a bit odd. But quite a few of the senior girls seemed to be at least a little interested in the older of the two, who apparently was “dreamy” in the words of the girl who sat behind Cas in AP History. Cas didn’t care about new students. He just wanted Balthazar back.  
Thursday was also the first day someone talked to Cas since Balthazar’s death, and it was someone completely unexpected. It was lunch period and Cas was sitting alone at the smallest table in the corner when suddenly, Marv walked over to him.  
“Hello Cas,” he said anxiously.  
“What do you want?” Cas muttered.  
“Look, I know I’m probably one of the last people you want to talk to, me having been friends with Michael and all... but, you see... I never dreamed Michael would ever do something that horrible. Getting Balthazar and his mother killed...” Marv drifted off for a moment. “But my point is, I’m through with those bastards. If those are the depths he was willing to stoop to just because Balthazar banged his ex-girlfriend, then I don’t want to be a part of it. And I’m sorry for everything I did.”  
Cas looked up at Marv incredulously.  
“Are you serious?”  
“Absolutely serious. I was wondering... could I maybe have lunch with you?” asked Marv.  
“I... well... yeah, sure,” said Cas, still flabbergasted.  
“Thanks,” said Marv with a smile.  
He sat down, setting down his lunch tray. Cas stared at him as he began to eat his sandwich. He was thankful for the company, but the fact that Marv seemed to want to be friends, after all he had done...   
“Hey, Cas,” Marv said, interrupting his thoughts. “I know you’ve had to walk home the last few days... I can give you a ride if you want it.”  
“I... that’d be great. Thank you,” said Cas.  
Marv grinned.  
“Great! I’m parked out by the dumpsters next to the bus lot, I’ll meet you there after last period,” he said.  
Cas gave him a little half smile.  
“Thanks,” he said. “Thanks a lot.”

The final bell rang and Cas walked to where Marv had told him to meet, his old beige bag tossed casually over his shoulder. He got to the dumpsters and saw a car that he recognized as Marv’s, but Marv hadn’t arrived yet. Figuring he had just gotten out of class a bit late, Cas waited patiently. Just a few minutes later, he heard footsteps approaching and turned. It was Marv, but he wasn’t alone. He was followed closely by Ralph and Naomi, Michael’s other two sidekicks. Cas knew immediately that he’d been tricked and looked around frantically for an escape, but a chain-link fence blocked one direction and the busy parking lot blocked the other.  
“Well caught, Marv,” said Naomi as the three of them closed in.  
“Oh, it was simple, really. Just gotta lure ‘em in with the right bait,” Marv said.  
“Please just leave me alone,” said Cas in a tiny voice.  
Somehow he had always felt braver when Balthazar was with him. Now he didn’t feel like he could take them on at all. All three of them laughed.  
“No, I don’t think we will,” said Ralph. “Not so big now, are you, without your little British guard dog?”  
“Leave me alone!” Cas repeated, a little louder this time, but his voice cracked for the first time in a year and a half and that just made them laugh more.  
“Should we just toss him in the dumpster?” Naomi suggested.  
“Might as well,” said Marv.  
Cas saw his chance and darted forward, but Ralph grabbed him and threw him into the chain-link fence. Cas crumpled to the ground and started to get up, but Ralph kicked him in the stomach before he could try. Cas whimpered and a moment later, found himself lifted from the ground by his shirt front as Ralph slammed him back against the fence.  
“Hey!” came a shout from behind and the three of them turned.  
A tall boy in a worn leather jacket with short, light brown hair and piercing green eyes was walking toward them and looked like he meant business.  
“Who the hell is that?” Marv muttered.  
“One of those new kids, the brothers,” Naomi replied.  
“What are you doing?” the new kid demanded.  
“We were... we were just...” Marv said.  
“Let go of him.” “Why?” Ralph shot back.  
“What has he done to you?” the boy asked.  
“Well, he’s kind of a loser...” said Marv.  
“Then why are you wasting your time? He’s not a threat to you. So leave him alone,” said the boy.  
None of them seemed to have a decent comeback for that. Ralph let go of Cas’ shirt and the three of them piled into Marv’s car and drove off. Cas clung to the chain-link fence and massaged his bruised ribs, staring at the boy who had saved him and was now glaring after Marv’s car. A little voice in the back of Cas’ head couldn’t help but think, “that girl was right, he is hot...”, but he pushed it away.  
“Thanks for that,” Cas said.  
“Don’t mention it. People like that just need a good foot up their asses sometimes...” the boy said, turning to look at Cas. “I’m Dean Winchester, by the way.”  
“Cas Novak.”  
Dean smiled.  
“Nice name,” he said. “Oh, and just for the record, I don’t actually think you’re a loser. I just needed to convince them you weren’t worth beating up.”  
“I didn’t think you did. Although I’m not sure that’ll keep them convinced for long,” said Cas.  
“Ah well, it was worth a shot. Maybe I oughta stick close, make sure they don’t try’n jump you again,” said Dean.   
“Thanks...” said Cas quietly.  
“Hey, do you need a ride home? I’ve got a car. Just need to wait for my geek brother Sam to finally get his ass out here,” Dean offered.  
“That’d be great, thanks,” said Cas gratefully.  
Just then, a slightly younger boy with rather long brown hair came jogging out of the school building.  
“There you are, Sammy!” said Dean. “Sam, meet Cas. Cas, meet Sam. We’re giving Cas a ride home, ‘kay?”  
“Yeah, of course. Nice to meet you, Cas,” said Sam, holding out a hand.  
Cas smiled a little and shook his hand.  
“Nice to meet you too,” he said.  
“Alright, enough with the meet-and-greet, let’s get going,” said Dean.  
He led them through the parking lot to his car. Cas stopped dead when he saw it.  
“This is your car?” he asked incredulously.  
“Yeah. ’67 Impala. It was our dad’s,” said Dean.  
“Damn...” Cas muttered, impressed.  
Dean grinned and unlocked the doors. Cas got into the backseat behind Dean. The engine roared into life and they swung out of the parking space. Cas told Dean how to get to his house and they rumbled off down the road. When they pulled up in front of Cas’ house, he got out of the car and turned back to Dean.  
“Thanks for the ride and for, well... everything,” he said.  
“It was nothing, really,” said Dean. “But hey, how ‘bout I come and pick you up before school tomorrow? It’s supposed to rain and I doubt you wanna walk in that.”  
“That’d be great. Thanks,” said Cas. “See you tomorrow?”  
“You bet,” said Dean.  
“See you, Cas!” Sam called from the passenger seat.  
“Bye,” said Cas.  
He waved to the Winchesters and walked up the driveway, stopping on the doorstep to watch the shiny black Impala drive off, disregarding the speed limit just like Balthazar used to. Cas smiled a little and went inside.  
“And who was that dropping you off in the fancy ride?” his uncle asked in lieu of a greeting.  
“Dean and Sam Winchester. They’re new to the school,” said Cas.  
“I see. New friends?” asked his uncle.  
Cas smiled.  
“Maybe.”


	3. Friends and a Little Bit More

The Chevy Impala pulled up in front of Cas’ house and Cas stood up, grabbing his beige bag.  
“My ride’s here, I’ll see you after school!” he called.  
“Have a good day, sweetheart,” his aunt called back from upstairs.  
Cas felt a little tug of nervous anticipation as he walked down the front lawn. He opened the back door of the Impala and got in, smiling.  
“Hello Dean, hello Sam,” he said.  
“Hey Cas,” said Dean. “Got everything?”  
“Yup. Thanks again for the ride,” said Cas.  
“It’s no problem, your house is right on the way,” Dean assured him.  
He applied the gas and they drove off. About halfway there, Cas piped up again.  
“Hey, if you want, you can sit with me at lunch. I uh... don’t really have anyone to sit with so, well... I’d be glad of some company.”  
Cas noticed Dean glance back at him in the rearview mirror and thought there was something like pity in his bright green eyes.  
“That’d be awesome, thanks Cas,” he said.  
“I’d come too but, well... different lunch period...” Sam said, sounding a bit put-out.  
“Have you met Rebecca Fields? She’s in your year and I’ve heard she’s nice,” offered Cas.  
“I think she’s in my English class... how do you know her?” asked Sam.  
“Well, I don’t actually know her personally but... I uh... I knew someone who did,” said Cas.  
The person he spoke of was Balthazar but Cas carefully avoided mentioning him. He wanted to become friends with the Winchesters normally, not because they felt bad for him. He could sense Dean glancing back at him questioningly again but the oldest brother said nothing.  
“Thanks, I’ll try and meet her,” said Sam.  
“No problem,” Cas said.  
They pulled into the Lawrence High lot and parked. It had started to rain so Cas pulled up the hood of his sweatshirt before getting out of the car. He and the Winchesters walked inside, ill-prepared students with textbooks shielding their heads scurrying ahead of them. After they were safely indoors, Sam waved to them and parted ways, leaving Cas and Dean together.   
“So what’ve you got first?” Dean asked.  
“Biology,” Cas answered. “You?”  
“Me too! I wonder if we’ve got anything else together,” said Dean, rummaging in his bag for his class schedule.  
They compared schedules all the way to Dean’s locker, which ended up being just across from Cas’, and discovered that they also had English and P.E. at the same time. After storing their bags in their separate lockers, they walked to the biology classroom together. They were forced to part ways at that point because their assigned seats were three rows apart, but met up again for part of the walk to their next classes. Their last period before lunch was P.E., where the instructor had them running laps on the indoor track course. Cas was a fast runner but he held back a little to jog alongside Dean. At lunch, they sat together at Cas’ usual corner table and afterwards they split ways again until English in final period. Dean had apparently been assigned the seat directly behind Cas and neither of them had realized this until now. It turned out to be a good thing in more than one way because Dean had yet to buy the book they were currently studying and was able to share with Cas. After class, they accompanied each other to their lockers to gather their stuff, met Sam on the front steps, then drove back in the Impala.  
“See you guys tomorrow,” Cas said as they dropped him off at his house.  
“Same time!” said Dean.  
Cas walked back up the driveway as the Winchesters drove away and practically skipped inside.

For two and a half weeks, they kept up this pattern. Though he still missed Balthazar terribly, Cas was feeling as though he really had friends again. He and Dean were becoming especially close and more than once Cas caught himself just sort of staring at Dean as they talked together at lunch.   
Then one Wednesday morning, the Impala pulled up outside Cas’ house and he noticed that there was no one in the front passenger seat. He frowned but Dean gestured for him to take shotgun. Cas opened the door and slid in.  
“Where’s Sam?” he asked.  
“He’s got the stomach flu or something so he’s staying home for the next couple days,” said Dean. “You ready?”  
“As always,” said Cas, then they drove off.  
The day went by as usual but as they got back into the Impala after school, Dean turned to Cas and said,  
“Hey, do you wanna... I dunno, go get ice cream or something?”  
“I’d love to,” said Cas, trying not to grin quite as huge as he wanted to.  
“Great,” said Dean, looking almost relieved, like he’d expected Cas to say no. “You’ve lived here longer than me, where’s the best place for ice cream?”  
“The Icicle, down by the grocery store,” said Cas.  
“Alright, The Icicle it is!” Dean said, turning on the ignition and pulling out of the parking lot.  
Cas sent a quick text message to his aunt letting her know where he was going, then stuffed his phone back in his coat pocket and grinned. A few minutes later, they parked beneath the bright blue sign of The Icicle and went inside. They spent a little while browsing the flavors before ordering. Cas got chocolate like he always did and Dean got strawberry. Then they sat at a little table by the window and dug in. They ate for a few minutes in silence. Cas looked at Dean for a moment, then stuck his spoon into his glob of ice cream and cleared his throat.  
“Um... Dean?” he said tentatively.  
“Yeah?”  
“I uh... there’s something I want to tell you. About me,” said Cas.  
Dean set down his spoon and looked at him intently.  
“What is it?” he asked.  
“Well... I uh... this isn’t something I normally tell people... actually, no one knows this... but even though we haven’t known each other for long, I trust you and I, well... I want to tell you,” said Cas.  
Dean frowned curiously but said nothing.  
“I... what I want to tell you is...” Cas took a deep breath. “I’m gay.”  
“Oh!” said Dean, unfurrowing his eyebrows; this was apparently not at all what he’d expected. “That’s... well... I’d never have guessed.”  
For some reason, he seemed a bit flustered and seemed to be avoiding Cas’ eyes.  
“Is that... okay?” Cas asked nervously.  
“What? Of course it’s okay, it’s more than okay,” said Dean, looking at him again.  
Cas smiled a bit sheepishly.  
“Thanks,” he said.  
“For what?” Dean asked.  
“For accepting me. Telling people, it’s... it’s not easy. Especially when you’re already the favorite target of the school bullies.”  
“I get that, I totally do. Actually, I...” Dean cleared his throat. “While we’re on the subject of confessions... might as well... I’m actually bi...”  
“Really?” said Cas, a little surprised.  
“Yeah, really,” said Dean.  
“I... well... you just seemed a bit of a, well... ‘tough guy’... I’d think it’d be strictly chicks with you...” Cas admitted.  
Dean laughed.  
“Hey, who says a ‘tough guy’ can’t dig dudes too?” he said. “And look at you, you may seem like a nerdy kid but you could outrun me any day if you wanted. If that’s not hardcore as hell, I dunno what is.”  
Cas blushed a little and quickly took a bite of his ice cream in an attempt to cool off his cheeks. Dean seemed to have noticed because he too brushed off Cas’ momentary embarrassment with a bite of ice cream. They fell silent again. Both of them seemed to have words on the tips of their tongues that they kept swallowing back with spoons full of ice cream. Suddenly, they both stabbed their spoons into their bowls of ice cream, looked each other in the eye and said simultaneously,  
“Do you wanna go out with me?”  
They stared at each other in surprise for a moment, both getting increasingly red in the face. Then they burst out laughing and didn’t stop for several minutes. Finally they were able to catch their breath.  
“So... will you?” asked Dean, his eyes still glittering from tears of laughter.  
“Only if you will,” Cas said with a sideways grin.  
“Well, I’m in, so....”  
“Then yes.”  
Cas and Dean smiled at each other a bit shyly.   
“Hey, do you wanna try a bite of this ice cream? It’s really good,” Dean said suddenly.  
“Sure, I’ve never had the strawberry,” said Cas.  
Dean dug his spoon in and scooped out a huge bite of ice cream.  
“Open up, buttercup,” he teased.  
“Oh no, pet names already!” said Cas, rolling his eyes.  
“Ah, shut up and eat your ice cream,” said Dean.  
Cas opened his mouth and ate the ice cream off Dean’s spoon. There was so much that he got a brain freeze. Unable to speak through the massive amount of ice cream in his mouth, Cas nodded and gave a thumbs up. He struggled to finish off the bite and gasped as he swallowed.  
“Brain freeze?” Dean chuckled.  
“Yeah. Okay, now it’s your turn,” said Cas, scooping out a spoonful of his own ice cream that rivaled Dean’s.  
“Oh god, you’re gonna kill me,” said Dean.  
“No I’m not, don’t be an infant,” Cas grinned, feeding Dean the ice cream off his spoon.  
Dean’s eyes began watering almost immediately but he smiled through it and reciprocated the thumbs up. Cas laughed and took another bite of his ice cream.  
Half an hour later, they pulled up outside Cas’ house. Cas turned to Dean and smiled at him.  
“Thanks so much,” he said.  
“You’re welcome. And thanks to you too,” Dean replied.  
“It was my pleasure,” said Cas. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”  
“See you tomorrow,” echoed Dean.  
Cas picked up his bag from the floor of the Impala and began to open the door.  
“Hey, Cas, wait,” said Dean suddenly.  
Cas turned back around.  
“Yeah?” he said.  
“I, um... come here,” Dean said.  
He leaned forward and, cupping Cas’ cheek in his hand, gave him a soft and fleeting kiss on the lips. Cas stared at him a moment, surprised, then smiled.  
“See ya, Dean.”  
“Bye, Cas.”  
Cas got out of the car and shut the door behind him. This time he stood on the curb and waved as Dean drove off before he went into the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i warned you there'd be no slow-burn.
> 
> also, i'm fully aware of the slightly obnoxious "i'd never have guessed you were gay" bit, and i'm aware how obnoxious it is. i wrote this fic like two years ago. cut me some slack :P


	4. "Studying"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter features the closest i ever got to smut until several months ago, so don't expect to read any actual sex :P

That night, Cas told his aunt and uncle that he was gay. He told them about Dean and about how he made him feel truly happy for the first time since Balthazar’s death. Both his aunt and uncle took it very well and they honestly just seemed more glad that their nephew was happy than anything else.  
Dean and Cas agreed on the way to school the next morning that they’d wait a little while to become public so they could let things settle between themselves before bringing anyone else into it. So for about a week and a half, they acted as they had been during school hours, but once they got back in the Impala after the bell rang, they were allowed to act like boyfriends again. Sam got over his bout of the flu pretty quickly so they’d usually just drop him off at home after school before going out again to spend an hour or so by themselves.  
They had been together a little over two weeks and their first biology test was on Monday, so on Saturday, Dean invited Cas over to study and to meet his uncle. Like Cas, the Winchesters were orphans and lived with their Uncle Bobby. He wasn’t actually their uncle, but he was a close family friend and had taken the boys in after their father died. Cas was nervous to meet him no matter how much Dean promised that Bobby would like him.  
Dean came by Cas’ house to pick him up that afternoon, then they drove to his house. It wasn’t a big house and there were a few battered old cars parked in the side yard but Cas loved the place almost immediately. He followed Dean inside.  
“Hey Bobby, I’m back,” Dean called.  
There was the sound of approaching footsteps and then Dean’s uncle walked into the hallway.  
“Figured it was you,” said Bobby. “This your friend?”  
“Yeah. Cas, this is Bobby,” said Dean. “And Bobby, this is Cas, my... boyfriend.”  
“Nice to meet you, Cas,” said Bobby, shaking his hand.  
Dean looked at Bobby as though he had been expecting a much different reaction.   
“What’re you lookin’ like that for? C’mon Dean, I’ve known you weren’t all straight since I caught you watching the Black Swan on Sam’s laptop,” said Bobby.  
Cas snickered.  
“What?” said Dean indignantly.  
“Nothing,” Cas said innocently.  
“Well, I’ll let you two go now,” said Bobby. “And don’t try and use the lotion in the bathroom for lube, we’ve probably got something in the cabinet.”  
“What?” said Cas, eyes wide.  
“Bobby, we’re studying for biology!” Dean said in mortification.  
“Uh-huh, right. Well get studying then, yeh idjits,” said Bobby as he exited the hallway.  
“Idjits?” Cas echoed questioningly.  
“It’s a sorta endearing insult he uses. Sorta like idiots...” Dean explained. “Anyway...”  
Dean led Cas up the stairs to his room. It was just as Cas expected. A neatly made bed, a slightly cluttered desk with a calendar full of photos of old cars hanging above it, the walls covered in posters of Led Zeppelin, ACDC, and Metallica.   
“Like it?” Dean asked.  
“It’s great,” said Cas, grinning.   
He strode across the room and plopped down on the edge of the bed, where Dean joined him and gave him a kiss on the cheek.  
“Shall we study?” asked Dean.  
“Might as well,” said Cas.  
They pulled out their textbooks and kicked off their shoes. Half an hour later found them sprawled across Dean’s bed, textbooks open to halfway through the chapter, casting more glances at the clock and at each other than at the page they were supposed to be studying.  
“Break time?” Cas suggested finally.  
“Yeah, definitely,” said Dean.  
They both shoved their textbooks roughly to the floor and a second later their lips were locked. They kissed hungrily, hardly pausing to breathe, and it was several minutes before they broke apart, panting.  
“I’m gonna go search the bathroom cabinet,” said Dean breathlessly.  
“Yeah, good idea,” replied Cas.  
Dean scrambled off the bed and hurried from the room. He was back in under a minute. He kicked the door shut behind him and set a little bottle on the nightstand before pulling his shirt off over his head and diving back into kissing Cas on the bed. A minute later, Dean pulled Cas’ shirt off and kissed his shoulder, his collarbone, his neck, then finally back to his lips. Cas smiled as their lips met again and slid his hands down to unbuckle Dean’s belt. Though his hands were quivering with anticipation, he undid it as though he had done this a million times and quickly unbuttoned Dean’s jeans and pulled down the zipper. Dean let out a happy little sound into Cas’ mouth as he slid his hand down the front of his jeans. Just then, the door flung open and Cas and Dean sprang apart as though electrocuted as Sam walked in.  
“Hey Dean, can I borrow – oh my god!” he said, eyes widening in alarm at the scene he’d just barged in on.  
“Damn it, Sam, not now!” Dean growled in frustration.  
“Sorry!” Sam said, scampering back out and slamming the door behind him.  
“Sorry about that,” said Dean, turning back to Cas. “Now where were we?”

Cas and Dean lay next to each other in a tangle of limbs and bedsheets, hot but happy. Cas’ arm was draped across Dean’s gently rising and falling chest and Dean had his fingers in Cas’ messy dark hair. Their biology textbooks were still strewn across the floor, all but forgotten. Neither of them felt the need to talk or do anything except look at each other and feel the comforting warmth of the other’s body against their own.   
Could this be what falling in love feels like? Cas wondered.  
He looked into Dean’s bright green eyes and smiled. Yes, it just could be.


	5. Coming Out and Standing Up

One day at the end of October, Cas and Dean agreed that it was time for them to stop hiding. They walked into school that morning hand in hand, which earned them some curious looks. Then they gave each other a quick kiss before parting ways after biology, which earned them whispers from students passing in the halls. Sitting at their usual corner table at lunch, an unusual number of eyes were on them the entire time. But neither of them cared.   
“Let ‘em stare,” said Dean defiantly through a mouthful of sandwich. “They’ll get used to it.”

It was passing period right before their final class of the day. Cas shouldered open the bathroom door and was greeted by some very familiar voices.  
“Back off, assholes.”  
It was Dean. Cas frowned and walked silently toward his voice. Turning the corner, he saw Dean backed against the wall by Ralph and Marv.  
“You talk big, pretty boy,” Ralph said.  
Cas slowly sneaked forward until he was directly behind them.  
“That’s my boyfriend you’re threatening,” he said calmly.  
Ralph and Marv jumped and whipped around.  
“You think you’re so tough now that someone gives two shits about you again, don’t you?” said Marv.   
“No, I’ve just got someone to fight for again,” Cas replied.  
“Fight? Oh, I doubt that. Quiet little Cas Novak fighting us? Ha!” Ralph taunted.  
“You know, Ralph, I think I’ve figured out what your problem is. You’re just compensating for your tiny dick by acting like a huge one yourself,” said Cas.  
He had a split second to enjoy the look of triumphant glee on Dean’s face before Ralph’s fist made contact with his nose and he stumbled backwards into the row of stalls. Cas blinked rapidly and regained his balance, staunching the flow of blood already pouring from his nose with his sleeve. Ralph made for him again but Cas brought his knee up and caught him in the stomach. Marv started to hurry forward but Dean grabbed him by the collar and yanked him back against the wall. In the moment that Cas and Dean paused to grin at each other, Ralph recovered and tackled Cas around the waist, knocking him to the floor and Marv grabbed a fistful of Dean’s hair. Suddenly, the bathroom door slammed open with a bang and they all froze and turned to see their English teacher standing in the doorway.  
“What the hell is going on in here?” he cried.  
Ralph got off of Cas, who scrambled to his feet, and Marv and Dean let go of each other.   
“Come with me, all of you,” the teacher said.

Ten minutes later, they were all sitting outside the principal’s office. Cas was pinching his nose with a bloody tissue and Marv held an icepack to his head where Dean had slammed it into the wall. Dean had a split lip and a colorful bruise was already forming under Ralph’s eye. The principal’s door opened and they were beckoned inside. The four boys filed into the room and stood in front of the principal’s desk.   
“So, Mr. Novak, would you mind telling me what caused this little tussle in the bathroom?” she asked.  
“Well, ma’am, I walked in and Ralph and Marv had cornered Dean so I told them to back off and then I, uh... well I sorta insulted Ralph so he punched me and it just went downhill from there...” Cas explained.  
The principal rolled her eyes. She opened her drawer and took out four pieces of paper that Cas recognized immediately as detention slips. She scribbled a few words on each one and slid them across the desk at the boys.  
“You’ll be staying after school tomorrow for you detentions. The bell will be ringing in about fifteen minutes so you might as well go home now and tend to those injuries. I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said.  
“Yes, ma’am,” the boys mumbled, taking the detention slips.  
They shuffled out of the room and split ways. 

As Cas and Dean walked down the front steps, Dean’s face suddenly split into a wide grin.  
“YES!” he shouted. “WE KICKED RALPH AND MARV’S ASSES AND GOT DETENTION!”  
“Um, Dean, I’m not sure detention is something to be shouting jubilantly to the heavens about,” Cas said.  
“Sure it is! We beat the crap outta those sons of bitches!” said Dean. He raised both middle fingers to the sky triumphantly. “Fuck those homophobes!”  
“Dean, you’re going to get yourself suspended,” Cas warned.  
“No I’m not,” said Dean.  
“Winchester, if you shout like that one more time, you’ll have detention on Friday too,” the principal called as she passed them on her way to the parking lot.  
Dean blushed.  
“Sorry, ma’am,” he said.  
“Dean, Cas!”  
They both turned. Sam was jogging over to them.  
“Is it true that you guys beat up those two bullies and got suspended?” he asked breathlessly.  
“Well we only got detention, but yeah, we did beat them up,” Cas replied.  
“Damn, stories travel fast around here,” said Dean.  
“It’s a small school,” Cas pointed out.  
“Yeah... well, let’s get going,” said Dean, leading the way to the Impala.  
“I am so going to be grounded when I get home...” said Cas.  
“Yeah, I don’t know if Bobby’s gonna chew me out for getting in a fight or throw me a party for putting those guys in their place...” Dean chuckled.  
“Probably both,” said Sam.  
They all laughed and got into the car. They decided it would probably be best to skip their usual hour together after school that day, so Dean dropped Cas off at his house.  
“See ya tomorrow. And good luck,” said Dean.  
“Yeah, you too,” Cas said.  
He leaned forward and gave Dean a kiss then ruffled Sam’s hair and got out of the car. He waved as they drove off, then went inside.  
“You’re home early, Cas,” his aunt said as he shut the door behind him.  
She and his uncle were sitting on the couch together. She was reading a book and he was doing the newspaper crossword.  
“Yeah, um, well... Dean and I sorta got in trouble at school today so we figured it’d be better to come straight home after...” Cas said.  
“Trouble? What kind of trouble?” his uncle asked.  
“We got in a fight with Ralph and Marv and got detention,” explained Cas.  
“Well I’m glad you didn’t just take those bullies’ crap but I can’t say I’m glad for the fighting, or the detention,” said his uncle. He turned to his wife and asked, “Extra chores?”  
“Extra chores,” she agreed.  
“I figured that,” said Cas, heading to the stairs.  
“You can start with the laundry,” his aunt called after him.  
“I’m on it,” Cas called back, trudging up the stairs to drop his bag in his room and start the laundry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, as i'm going through this fic again to post it on here, i'm realizing how horribly cheesy my chapter titles are. i'd like to take a moment to apologize for that now.


	6. The House at the End of Maple Street

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which things get less cheesy YA romance and more slightly-less-cheesy YA mystery

Cas, Dean, and Sam sat around the Winchesters’ kitchen table waiting for the kettle to boil so they could make hot chocolate. They had just finished their last day of school before winter break and it was a cold, rainy afternoon.   
“I had a weird encounter with Naomi today,” Dean said.  
“Weird how?” asked Cas.  
“Well it was almost like she’d come looking for me but when she tried to say whatever it was she wanted to tell me, she changed her mind or lost her nerve or something and just ran off,” said Dean.  
“That is kinda weird... actually, she’s just been kinda weird for a while now. Have you noticed that she hasn’t been hanging out with Ralph and Marv at all since November?” Cas said.  
“Yeah, I did notice,” said Dean. “I wonder what’s up...”  
“Yeah...” said Cas, trailing off as he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.  
He knew it had to be either his aunt or uncle since the only two other people who would text him were sitting across the table. He pulled out his phone, then froze the minute he saw the ID, heart hammering.  
“What is it, Cas? Everything alright?” asked Dean.  
“That’s impossible...” whispered Cas.  
“What is?”  
“That couldn’t... how...” Cas said.  
“What’s wrong?” Sam asked.  
Cas looked up from his phone at the two brothers.  
“Well... I guess I can’t avoid the subject any longer...” he said, taking a steadying breath. “I should’ve known I’d have to tell you eventually.”  
“Tell us what, Cas?” asked Dean, looking a bit worried.  
“I wasn’t completely alone before I met you... I did have a friend, but...” Cas bit his lip. “He died in a fire just the weekend before you came to Lawrence.”  
Cas looked down at his hands, not wanting to see the Winchesters’ reactions.  
“I’m sorry, Cas,” said Dean quietly.  
“His name was Balthazar,” Cas continued. “We’d known each other since we were kids, he was the only person who stood by me through everything. When he died... it was like my life ended. I was such a mess when I met you two...”  
Dean placed his hand over Cas’ and gave it a gentle squeeze. Cas smiled sadly at him, then looked back down at the phone in his hand. Dean followed his gaze.  
“So what does your friend have to do with this text?” he asked.  
“Well... somehow... it’s from him,” Cas said.  
“What?” said Sam, raising his eyebrows.  
“I know, it’s impossible. His phone should have been destroyed in the fire that killed him,” said Cas. “But the ID says it’s him.”  
“What does the text say?” Sam asked.  
Cas glanced between the two Winchesters. Dean gave him an encouraging nod. Cas took a deep breath and opened the message.  
“Okay, now this is really impossible,” he said.  
“What is it?” asked Dean.  
“Well, it’s written in a code Balthazar and I came up with in eighth grade. It’s not a great code at all, it’s actually kinda stupid, but we used it whenever we had secret messages for each other. We just switched the first and last letter of each word... but we never told anyone else about this code...” said Cas.   
“What does it say?” said Sam.  
“It says ‘Meet in the old house at the end of Maple Street at midnight. Bring food and a light.’ That’s all,” Cas read.  
They all exchanged a confused look.  
“Are you gonna go?” asked Sam.  
“I... well, I have to, don’t I? I have to know,” said Cas.  
“Well then you’re not going alone. Sammy and I are coming with you,” Dean said.  
Cas looked at him and smiled gratefully.  
“Thanks. Maple Street’s not far from my house, so we can sneak out and meet in my yard at... 11:45? Then we’ll head to the house,” he said.  
“Sounds like a plan. We’ve got a camp lantern in the shed, we can bring that,” suggested Dean.  
“Great. I can sneak some food from the fridge,” said Cas.  
They fell silent. Cas stared at the coded message on his phone, frowning, wondering... then suddenly the kettle whistled loudly, snapping him from his thoughts, and they scrambled up to make their hot chocolate.

Cas looked at the digital clock glowing faintly in his dark room. 11:40. He swung himself off his bed and crouched down, pulling the napkin stuffed with bread and cold leftover chicken from under his bed where he’d hid it earlier. He picked up the full water bottle from his desk and placed it next to the napkin, then grabbed his old beige bag from the corner. Making sure the napkin was folded securely over the food, he packed the provisions. Then he tiptoed silently to his closet, tied on his tennis shoes, and tossed on a warm coat. He went to his desk and pulled a small leather pouch out of the drawer and placed it next to the food. Finally, he picked up his flashlight from the nightstand, tested the battery, and tucked it into the outside pocket of his bag.   
He glanced back at the clock. 11:45. Just on time. Cas slowly slid his window open and removed the screen. Placing the screen on the floor under the window, he grabbed his bag from the bed and set it carefully on the roof, then climbed out after it. He slid his window closed, leaving just enough of a crack that he would be able to open it again when he returned, then slung his bag over his shoulder. Cas walked gingerly along the roof until he got to the edge closest to the giant tree in the yard. He took a deep breath, then jumped into the tree, grabbing at the first branch he could and holding on for dear life. He paused a moment to settle down from the sudden adrenaline rush, then swung himself closer to the trunk and climbed carefully down. When he reached the lowest branch, he hung for a moment before dropping into a crouch on the grass.   
Cas straightened up and glanced around. He could see two shadowy figures standing at the edge of the yard and walked toward them.  
“Nice jump, Cas,” Dean whispered.  
“Thanks. Ready?” Cas replied.  
“Yeah,” said Sam.  
“Let’s go,” Dean said.  
Cas led the way down the deserted road until they finally reached the end of Maple Street. The house in front of them had been abandoned years ago, its windows all either cracked or boarded up, graffiti peppering the lower walls. Cas swallowed hard, then led them up the overgrown path onto the front porch. Sam tried the door.  
“It’s locked,” he hissed.  
“Don’t worry, I’ve got it,” said Cas, reaching into his bag and pulling out the leather pouch.  
He unfolded it to reveal a lock-picking set. He squinted at the doorknob, then selected a pick and crouched down.  
“Why the hell have you got that?” Dean whispered incredulously.  
“My uncle used to be a locksmith. Can you shine a light for me?” Cas replied.  
Sam pulled out his flashlight and pointed it at the lock and Cas set to work. He didn’t really know how to pick a lock so it took him a while, but finally, they heard a click and the door swung open with a creak.  
“Well that’s not sketchy at all,” said Dean, peering into the cobweb-strewn entrance hall.  
Cas stood up and stuck the lock-pick set back into his bag, exchanging it for his own flashlight.   
“C’mon,” he whispered, leading them slowly inside. “Close the door behind us.”  
The dusty floorboards squeaked under foot and they heard a faint scurrying of mice inside the walls.  
“You do realize we are probably seconds away from becoming the idiots in the first five minutes of a horror movie, right?” Dean said.  
“It crossed my mind...” Cas replied.  
They walked slowly down the hall. Finally, the reached the first room. It seemed to have been the living room. There was an extremely dusty loveseat pushed against one wall and in the middle of the floor stood a coffee table that was missing half a leg. Cas and Sam shone their flashlights into all the corners.   
“There doesn’t seem to be anyone here,” whispered Sam.  
“Wait,” said Cas, forgetting for a second to keep his voice quiet.  
He stood frozen, his flashlight aimed at what looked like a shoe peeking out from behind the loveseat.  
“Shit, it’s probably a corpse...” muttered Dean.  
Cas swallowed hard again and forced his voice to remain steady.  
“Who’s there?” he called tentatively.  
The shoe slid back behind the loveseat and there was a faint shuffling as a dark figure stood up. Cas lifted his flashlight to the person’s face and went white as a sheet.  
“Balthazar?” he gasped.  
“Hello Cas,” Balthazar said hoarsely.  
“It’s not possible,” said Cas. “You’re dead. They said no one made it out of that fire.”  
“That’s because the firemen expect anyone who escapes to run to them, not to Denver. They never found my body, did they?” said Balthazar.  
“No, they didn’t. They said you were... incinerated,” Cas said, his throat tight. “Why did you run away? Why did you let me think you were dead?”  
“Because I knew that bastard Michael was behind the fire and that he’d come after me, or send him cronies after me. And because... because I’d just seen my mother burn to death in front of me... that’s not an easy thing to cope with,” said Balthazar.  
He walked toward Cas and as he stepped more into the light of the flashlights, Cas saw what bad shape he was in. His clothes were dirty and worn and hung loosely on his underfed frame. His face was pale and there were dark shadows under his usually lively blue eyes. Cas felt his own eyes sting with hot tears.  
“Balthazar...” he whispered.  
He took a step forward and pulled his friend into a tight hug, holding him as though it was the last time. The fact that he could feel almost every bone in Balthazar’s body as they embraced brought even more tears to his eyes. Finally they pulled away and stared at each other, both smiling through their tears.  
“I brought food,” said Cas.  
“Oh thank God, you’re a saint, Cas,” said Balthazar, heaving a sigh of gratitude.  
Cas dug the napkin of bread and chicken and the water bottle from his bag and handed them to Balthazar. They sat on the dusty floor and he began to eat ravenously. After a few minutes, he paused and asked,  
“So Cas, who’re your new buddies?”  
“This is Dean Winchester and his younger brother, Sam,” Cas replied.  
“Pleasure,” said Balthazar, nodding to them both and taking a swig of water. “And... thanks for taking care of Cas for me. I’ve been worried sick about him. I’m glad he hasn’t been completely alone.”  
“Cas is a great guy. I’m so lucky to have met him,” said Dean, smiling at Cas, who smiled back.  
Balthazar glanced between the two of them.  
“I’m missing something, aren’t I?” he said.  
“Oh, yeah, well uh... Dean’s my boyfriend,” Cas said, blushing.  
Balthazar grinned and a bit of the life came back to his eyes.  
“You two are killing me, stop looking so bashful! Dean, I think you’re my new favorite person now. After Cas, of course. Thank you so much for seeing just how special Cas is as I have without the barrier of being so painfully straight,” he said.  
“I, well... you’re welcome,” Dean chuckled.  
Sam rolled his eyes, earning him an elbow in the ribs from his brother.  
“So what were you doing in Denver?” Cas asked.  
“Hiding. Bumming.... trying to get back to Lawrence,” said Balthazar. “I knew why Michael set fire to my house and I’m pretty sure he intended me to die in the fire. It was a stupid reason, he was jealous because I hooked up with his ex the night after they broke up. He confronted me about it just a day before the fire and, well... I could tell he was unhinged. No one gets that angry over something like that, not without being seriously unstable. I knew if I stayed in Lawrence that he’d find out I survived and would hunt me down, so I ran. I regretted it almost as soon as I got off the train in Denver and discovered I didn’t have enough money to come back...”  
“You don’t have to worry about Michael anymore, Balthazar. They caught him, he’s in prison, and if he really is unstable then I don’t think they’ll be letting him out anytime soon,” Cas assured him.  
Balthazar instantly looked as though a huge weight had been lifted from him at this news.  
“And you don’t have to hide now. You can come stay at my house, I know my aunt and uncle won’t mind,” Cas added.  
“Really? They’d be alright with that?” said Balthazar.   
It sounded almost as though he was surprised to hear that anyone other than his best friend could possibly show kindness to him.  
“Of course. I think they’ll just be so glad you’re alive that they wouldn’t even think twice,” said Cas.  
“And what about Ralph and Marv and Naomi? They’re not gonna... I dunno...” Balthazar said nervously.  
“We’ll take care of them. Even if they try to mess with you, we won’t let ‘em. We’ve already shown them what they’re dealing with and we’ll do it again if we have to,” said Dean.  
“Wait, you guys...?” said Balthazar in amazement.  
“They fought them in the bathroom and got detention,” Sam said proudly.  
“Damn, I’m gone for three months and I come home to bunch of little heroes!” Balthazar exclaimed.

It was after one in the morning by the time the four of them left the old house. When they reached Cas’ house, Cas and Balthazar said goodbye to the Winchesters. Dean gave Cas a kiss and told him to keep him updated, then he and Sam slipped off into the night. Cas and Balthazar climbed the tree and crawled carefully onto the roof. When they got to the window, Cas slid it silently open and let Balthazar climb in first, then tossed his bag in and followed. He reattached the screen, shut the window, and latched it.  
“You can sleep in my bed,” he offered. “You deserve it after three months on the streets.”  
Balthazar looked for a minute as though he was going to protest, but he gave in. Cas gave him some clean sweatpants to change into, then curled up on the floor with a blanket and a throw pillow.   
“You sure you’re comfortable down there?” Balthazar asked.  
“I’m fine. More than fine, actually. Just get some rest,” said Cas, smiling up at him.   
Balthazar smiled back and slid under the sheets, sighing contentedly.  
“You have no idea how great it feels to be in a real bed,” he said.  
They laid in silence for a moment. Cas frowned and looked back up at his friend.  
“Balthazar?” he whispered.  
“Hm?”  
“How did you keep your phone charged all that time?”  
“I turned it off,” said Balthazar. “I didn’t need it when I was in Denver, and I knew I would once I came back, so I saved the battery until I needed to contact you.”  
“Ooh. That makes sense. Good night, Balthazar,” Cas said.  
“Good night, Cas.”  
They fell silent again and both of them were asleep within minutes and didn’t wake up until long after the sun had risen.


	7. Things Just Might Be Alright

“I really hope I don’t get you in trouble.”  
“It’ll be fine.”  
“What if it’s not?”  
“It will be, they always liked you, they’ll just be glad you’re okay.”  
“But what if I can’t stay here?”  
“You will, they’d take in an entire animal shelter if the shelter was shutting down.”  
“How do you know?”  
“Because I’ve grown up with them and my aunt has raised at least twenty baby squirrels.”  
“But Cas...”  
“Shut up, it’ll be fine. Come on.”  
Cas opened his bedroom door and led the way downstairs and into the hall, stopping just outside the kitchen doorway. He could hear his aunt and uncle talking at the kitchen table, the rustle of the newspaper and the clinking of silverware interspersed through the quiet conversation. He turned to Balthazar.  
“Stay here,” he mouthed.  
Balthazar nodded. Cas stepped into the kitchen.  
“Good morning, sweetheart,” his aunt said.  
“Good morning,” Cas replied.  
“You sleep alright?” his uncle asked.  
“Yeah. Listen, I need to tell you both something,” said Cas quickly.  
“What is it, kiddo?” said his uncle.  
“I... okay, this is going to sound really bad at first, but please just hear me out,” said Cas.  
His aunt and uncle exchanged a concerned look.  
“So yesterday when I was at the Winchesters’, I got a text from Balthazar’s number telling me to go to the old house on Maple Street at midnight,” Cas began.   
“You didn’t go, did you?” said his aunt sternly.  
“I did. Dean and Sam came with me though, so I wasn’t alone,” said Cas. “The text... it was from Balthazar. He’s alive.”  
His aunt and uncle both looked surprised and a little bit worried.  
“Cas, there’s no way he survived that fire. I know you miss him, but –” his uncle said.  
“It’s true, Mr. Novak,” Balthazar said, stepping in from the hallway.  
The kitchen fell silent. Balthazar was so pale and thin that Cas was pretty sure from the looks on his aunt and uncle’s faces that they thought for a moment that he was a ghost.  
“But... how...?” Cas’ aunt whispered at last.  
“I... I really don’t know how I got out of there. It was just a blur. All I can remember was the fire and the smoke and the heat and seeing my mother....” Balthazar paused, swallowing hard. “And then suddenly I was out and I ran. I was scared. So I ran and spent all but a few dollars on a train to Denver and I’ve spent every minute since then trying to get back.”  
“I’m all he’s got now,” said Cas. “He needs our help and... a place to live?”  
“Cas, you don’t even have to ask,” said his uncle. “Our home is yours, Balthazar. It always has been and it always will be.”  
“Thank you,” said Balthazar, smiling gratefully.  
“Now how about some breakfast?” Cas’ aunt offered, standing up. “You look half famished and I know Cas for one is always hungry in the mornings.”

Balthazar fit right into the Novak house and he quickly began recovering from his three months on the Denver streets. The Winchesters and Bobby came over for Christmas dinner and Cas honestly couldn’t think of a single moment when he’d been happier. He was surrounded by every person in the world that loved him and it was perfect. After that, the rest of winter break flew by and then suddenly, the Impala was pulling up in front of Cas’ house to pick up him and Balthazar for the first day of the new semester. As they pulled into the parking lot, Cas turned to his friend.  
“You ready for this?” he asked.  
“I was born ready, mate,” said Balthazar.  
“Everyone’s gonna freak out, you know that.”  
“Of course they are. They all thought I was dead. And it wasn’t exactly a big to-do when we told the authorities I was alive.”  
“Well, we might as well just get it over with,” said Dean.  
They all piled out of the car and walked into Lawrence High. As Cas, Dean, and Balthazar walked to their lockers, more and more eyes turned. Some people looked confused, others shocked, and a few looked a little scared. Balthazar very obviously didn’t care. He glanced at one particularly scared-looking girl and winked. Her eyes got wide and she scampered away.  
“You sure do have a way with the ladies,” Dean said sarcastically.  
“Hey now!” said Balthazar, mockingly offended.  
“He actually does though, he’s probably slept with half the girls in the school,” Cas pointed out.  
“Yeah, I wonder how that’s gonna go now that I’m back from the dead...” mused Balthazar, frowning.  
“Hey man, I dunno, the whole undead-romance thing is kinda popular these days, vampires and werewolves and shit, ya never know what could happen,” said Dean.  
“Well if they’re looking for creatures of the night, they won’t be disappointed,” said Cas.  
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Balthazar asked.  
“You snore like a bear.”  
“I do not!” said Balthazar indignantly.  
“Oh brother, here we go...” muttered Dean, rolling his eyes.  
The first bell rang and they hurried to their first classes.

As they sat around their usual table at lunch, Balthazar caught Cas and Dean up on some of the amusing reactions their fellow students had had throughout the morning. He was just telling them what happened in his calculus class when they heard someone approach their table. All three of them looked up at once to see Naomi standing there awkwardly.   
“Can we help you?” Cas asked, raising an eyebrow.  
“I just wanted to say... I’m sorry. Honestly. For everything I’ve ever done to any of you,” said Naomi. “Ever since what Michael did to you, Balthazar... I’ve felt just... wrong. What he did was beyond what I ever thought he was capable of. It scared me. And then when I heard about what Ralph and Marv did to you two,” she continued, turning to Cas and Dean. “It was totally out of line. Before it felt like we were just following Michael’s orders. But when that happened, I realized how seriously they took it all. They were just looking for any reason they could to get at you. And... I just wanted to let you know that I don’t want any part of it anymore. I’m through with them. And I’m sorry.”  
She turned to walk away but Cas stood up.  
“Wait,” he called after her.  
Naomi turned back around.  
“I uh... do you wanna sit with us?” Cas offered awkwardly.  
Dean and Balthazar stared at him, surprised.  
“Are you serious?” Naomi said.  
“Yeah. I guess I am,” said Cas. “I know what it’s like being on Ralph and Marv’s bad side and, well... I figure you’ll need some support now that you’re on their bad side too.”  
“Are you sure they’re okay with this?” asked Naomi, jerking her head to Dean and Balthazar, who still looked stunned.   
“They’ll get over it,” shrugged Cas.  
Naomi slowly walked back to their table and sat down.  
“Thanks,” she murmured.  
“You’re welcome. And apology accepted.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: trust no one. especially not my chapter titles.


	8. Blood On the Dance Floor

It took a while for all of them to completely warm up to Naomi, but as January moved into February, she slowly began to be one of the group. One day, they were all just sitting down at their usual lunch table when Balthazar turned to them.  
“Oh no, you’ve got that look,” said Cas.  
“What look?” Balthazar asked.  
“The ‘listen here, you little shit, I’ve got a plan and you’re gonna like it’ look,” Cas replied.  
Balthazar stared at him for a moment.  
“Well, yeah, I suppose that’s right,” he said finally.  
“So what’s your grand plan, then?” Naomi asked.  
“This Friday is the last football game of the season and I think we should all go. Sam’s invited too, of course,” Balthazar added, nodding to Dean.  
“Really? Four years at Lawrence High and now you decide you want to go to a game?” said Cas.  
“It’s senior year, we’re never gonna have another chance after this. Might as well go, cheer on the Angels, eat way too much junk food,” said Balthazar.  
“I’m down,” said Dean with a shrug. “Cas?”  
“I suppose. Naomi?”  
“Why not? It could be fun,” she said.  
“Great!” said Balthazar excitedly.

Friday night came and the five of them drove to the stadium in the Impala. After buying an armful of snacks each, they filed into the bleachers and sat down just as the game was starting.   
“You know,” said Balthazar as the players made a pass and the crowd cheered wildly. “I actually have absolutely no idea what’s going on.”  
Cas laughed, nearly choking on his soda.   
“Don’t worry, you’re not alone,” said Naomi.  
“Oh great, am I gonna have to explain it to all of you?” said Sam in exasperation.  
All of them burst out laughing. If they had any chance of figuring out the play, they had lost it.  
The timer ticked on and they watched the game, trying to keep up with what was going on, Sam explaining what had happened whenever someone got fouled. All of them were cold, but they sat tightly packed on the bleachers, blankets over their laps. During a particularly intense part of the game, Cas glanced over at Dean and noticed that he had frozen with a stick of licorice halfway to his mouth, watching intently. Grinning mischievously, he leaned over, grabbed it with his teeth, and pulled it out of Dean’s hand. Dean turned to him with a betrayed look on his face and Cas just grinned at him, the licorice still dangling from between his teeth, and Dean cracked up.  
“Oh my god, if you two do the ‘Lady and the Tramp’ spaghetti thing with that, I swear I’m gonna puke,” Sam groaned.  
“What, you mean like this?” Dean teased.  
He grabbed the other end of the licorice in his mouth and he and Cas ate their way through it until their lips met and Cas turned away in mock embarrassment. Sam faked retching into his bucket of popcorn.  
“That’s much easier with spaghetti,” said Cas, struggling to swallow the mouthful of licorice.  
“You two are so sappy it’s disgusting,” said Balthazar. “I swear you both jumped in an ocean of lollipops and rainbows.”  
“Swan-dived,” Cas corrected.  
“With a double backflip twist,” Dean added.  
Cas lifted an invisible score-card above his head.  
“Perfect ten!” he announced, then he and Dean collapsed into giggles.  
The Lawrence Angels ended up losing the game, but all of them had too much fun to care. They were all glad Balthazar had dragged them along. 

The next few months flew by and senior prom was rapidly approaching. Even though neither Cas nor Dean was much of a dancer, they agreed they’d go together. One night, about a week before prom, Cas and Balthazar were doing homework in Cas’ room. Balthazar suddenly slammed the book he was reading shut. Cas jumped and looked up at him.  
“Cas, I have a problem,” he announced.  
“What kind of problem?” Cas asked.  
“A prom date problem.”  
“Since when has talking to girls ever been a problem for you?” said Cas, eyebrows raised.  
“Since... well... since I decided I want to ask Naomi to go with me,” Balthazar said, unusually bashful.  
Cas stared at him.  
“Wait a second... are you... do you... you actually like her. Like, not just hook-up with her kind of like, you...” His mouth fell open as Balthazar got more embarrassed with each word. “Whoa, you’ve fallen hard, haven’t you?”  
Balthazar nodded and Cas let out a low whistle.   
“I never thought I’d live to see the day when Balthazar Montpierre actually fell in love with a girl.”  
“Shut up,” said Balthazar, blushing.  
“You’ve got to ask her to prom,” Cas insisted.  
“I know.”  
“If you don’t, someone else will beat you to her,” he warned.  
“I know... how do you ask someone to prom?” Balthazar asked.  
“Do I look like I know? It was just a given with Dean and I, it was more of a mutual agreement,” said Cas.   
Balthazar groaned and flopped backwards onto the floor.  
“Just... say it. Get to the point. That’s the best advice I can give you,” Cas said.  
“What if she turns me down?” said Balthazar.  
“You could always take Sam,” suggested Cas jokingly.  
Balthazar sat up and threw a pen at him. Cas dodged and it flew into the wall.   
“Look, it’s a week until prom and, to my knowledge, Naomi doesn’t have a date. No one wants to stag to their senior prom. I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Cas assured him.  
“Really?” said Balthazar.  
Cas smiled.  
“Really.”

The next day, Balthazar was late meeting them after school and Cas, Dean, and Sam were waiting outside the Impala when he ran up to them.  
“YES!” he shouted triumphantly, punching the air.  
“You did it?!” said Cas.  
“Did what?” Dean asked.  
“I did!” said Balthazar.  
“What’d she say?!” Cas insisted.  
“She said yes!” cried Balthazar.  
“I told you!” said Cas, grinning.  
“What are you talking about? Who said yes? What did you do?” Dean demanded.  
“I asked Naomi to prom!” answered Balthazar, practically skipping with joy.  
“Awesome!” said Dean, then paused. “Wait, you wouldn’t be that excited about this if you’re just getting a prom date, that shit comes easy to you. There’s something else going on here.”  
Balthazar nodded excitedly.  
“Did you ask her out?” Sam asked.  
“Well no,” Balthazar admitted. “But this is just the first step!”  
Cas chuckled and opened the back door of the Impala.  
“Alright, lover boy, get in. We’re going suit shopping,” he said.  
“Can I come?” Sam asked.  
“Of course,” said Dean. “I’m gonna need a second opinion, I don’t trust those two bozos.”  
“Hey, I have good taste!” Cas protested.  
“Ha, you’d be happiest if he was going naked,” Balthazar teased, climbing into the backseat.  
“Naw, getting him that way is the fun part. It’s like unwrapping a Christmas present,” said Cas.  
“OH MY GOD, will there ever be a time I hang out with you when you DON’T discuss your sex lives?!” Sam exclaimed.  
“You’re just still mentally scarred from walking in on us, aren’t you?” said Dean, walking around the car to the driver’s side.  
“Yes, and conversations like this are only making it worse,” said Sam.  
“I feel for you, mate,” said Balthazar.  
“Sure you do,” Sam said sarcastically, getting into the car.  
Dean started the ignition and they drove off.

It was the night of prom. Cas and Dean were in Cas’ room, getting ready. Balthazar had already gone to pick up Naomi and would be meeting them at the dance. Cas stood in front of the mirror, trying and failing to do his tie. After the tenth try, he threw his hands in the air in resignation.  
“Well, that’s about as good as it’s gonna get,” he sighed.  
Dean looked at him and chuckled. Cas’ tie was knotted completely backward and crooked.   
“Here, I’ll fix it for you,” Dean offered.  
He walked over to him and began straightening Cas’ tie so it laid flat in the right direction.  
“Thanks,” Cas said as he finished.  
“No problem,” said Dean.  
Cas gave him a quick kiss, then turned back to the mirror to comb his hair. When he was satisfied, he turned to Dean.   
“Ready?” he asked.  
“You bet I am,” Dean grinned, offering his arm.  
Cas took it and they walked downstairs to the living room where his aunt and uncle were waiting.  
“You boys look fantastic,” his uncle announced. “You heading off now?”  
“Yeah, we are,” said Cas.  
“Just let me take a quick picture before you go,” said his aunt, picking up a camera from the arm of the sofa.  
Cas and Dean exchanged a look but complied, standing together next to the window while she took their picture.  
“Alright, now you can go. Have fun!” she said.  
“We will!” Cas and Dean said in unison as they walked out the door.  
They got into the Impala and drove to the high school. They could see multicolored lights flashing through the high windows of the gym and hear the muffled sound of music as they got out of the car. Cas straightened his suit jacket and smiled at Dean, then they went inside. The gym was packed with people dancing to the loud music. Off to one side were a bunch of little rounds tables and a long buffet with drinks and snacks. Cas and Dean craned their necks, searching for Balthazar and Naomi.  
“Found them!” Dean announced. “This way.”  
He grabbed Cas’ hand and led him around the edge of the dance floor toward the far end of the gym to where Balthazar and Naomi danced. They greeted each other excitedly, Dean teased Balthazar for his tie that matched Naomi’s pale pink dress, then they started dancing.  
A few hours, three glasses of punch, and half a slow-dance later, Cas and Dean were swaying to the music, arms around each others’ necks. It was some sappy Michael Bublé song, and, glancing over Dean’s shoulder, Cas could tell that Balthazar and Naomi were having a moment.  
“What d’you say we get out of here?” he suggested quietly in Dean’s ear. “We can go out to the Impala and... I dunno... have a little party of our own...”  
“I’d love that,” Dean replied.  
They stopped dancing and took each others’ hands, weaving their way through the crowd. After the heat inside the gym, the cold night air in the parking lot felt cold. They had barely reached the Impala when Cas and Dean started kissing fiercely. Dean backed Cas into the side of the car and Cas fumbled behind him for the door handle. He swung the door open and, grabbing Dean’s tie, pulled him roughly into the back seat. 

The dance was still going when Cas and Dean drove back to Cas’ house, the windows of the Impala still steamy. They parked on the curb and got out, walking with their arms around each other toward the house. Suddenly, Cas stopped in his tracks.  
“Cas? What is it?” Dean asked.  
“That can’t be good,” muttered Cas.  
The front door of the house stood open and looked as though it had been kicked in. Cas hurried forward, Dean close behind him. When they reached the porch, Dean grabbed Cas’ arm.  
“Wait,” he said. “Are you sure we should go in?”  
Cas just gave him a look and went inside. The living room lights were still on, illuminating a scene that made his heart stop. His aunt and uncle lay on the floor, their hands outstretched for each other, blood still trickling from the wounds in their chests. And on the wall above them was carved a message:  
“YOU’RE NEXT LITTLE BLUEBIRD. –M.”  
Cas was vaguely aware of Dean coming to a stop next to him.  
“Oh my god,” he gasped in horror.  
Cas was trembling, whether from grief, fear, or rage he wasn’t sure.  
“It was Michael,” he said.  
“What? How? He was arrested, wasn’t he?” said Dean, eyes wide.  
“He escaped. Right now, they’ll be realizing he’s gone and they’ll be searching for him...” said Cas quietly.  
“But ‘M’ could be anyone, how do you know it’s him?” Dean asked.  
“The message... ‘Little bluebird’, that’s what he called me... he got out, and now he’s coming for me, Dean...” Cas said.  
He was visibly shaking now. His eyes were filled with tears and he was breathing very quickly. Dean grabbed him by the shoulders and steered him back outside, forcing him to sit on the edge of the porch.  
“I’m calling the police,” he said.  
He pulled out his phone and dialed 911, keeping one arm around Cas.  
A little while later, the driveway was full of police cars and cops were all over the house, investigating. Dean told the detective what had happened, including what Cas said about Michael. Then he sat back down next to Cas, holding him close. A car pulled up to the house and Balthazar and Naomi got out, hurrying over to where Cas and Dean sat.  
“What the hell is going on? What happened?” Balthazar asked.  
“My aunt and uncle are dead,” said Cas, speaking for the first time since the police arrived.  
“What?” said Balthazar in shock.  
“Michael escaped. He left a message for me on the wall. ‘You’re next, little bluebird’....” Cas said.  
Balthazar seemed to have frozen from fear.  
“Michael?” he repeated.   
Naomi took his hand in both of hers and squeezed it comfortingly, leading him over to sit next to Cas and Dean on the porch. The four of them sat in silence as the police swarmed around them, holding onto each other as though they would drift away if they let go.


	9. Little Bluebird

Cas woke up the next morning on the Winchesters’ living room floor. Balthazar slept a few feet away, sprawled out with one foot sticking out from under his blanket. Naomi had managed to convince her parents to let her stay with them for the night and was asleep on the couch, one hand dangling off the edge just a few inches from Balthazar’s outstretched arm. It looked as though they had fallen asleep holding hands.   
Cas sat up, rubbing his stiff neck, and noticed that Dean was curled up like a cat in the armchair at his feet, fast asleep. He must have sneaked down after they had all fallen asleep, either not wanting to be alone or not wanting to leave Cas’ side.   
Careful not to wake the others, Cas got up and slipped out of the living room. Bobby was already awake and sitting at the kitchen table, sipping coffee and reading the newspaper. He looked up when Cas came in.  
“You sleep okay?” he asked, setting down his mug.  
Cas just shrugged and took a seat.   
“You made the front page,” Bobby said, sliding the newspaper across the table toward him.  
Cas leaned forward to look. Sure enough, there was a full color photograph of him, Dean, Balthazar, and Naomi huddled together on his porch, accompanied by an article about his aunt and uncle’s murder and Michael’s prison break. Feeling slightly sick, Cas pushed the paper back toward Bobby.  
“Look, Cas. You and Balthazar are legally adults now, so you can technically live wherever you want,” said Bobby. “But I just want you to know that you’re both more than welcome under my roof. Actually, I think it might be best for you to stay here, at least for a while, given all that’s happened. But it’s your choice.”  
“Thank you, Bobby. Really,” said Cas quietly.

Cas and Balthazar did end up staying with the Winchesters and Bobby. They didn’t have any spare rooms so Cas shared with Dean and Balthazar with Sam. The entire weekend after prom, Naomi was with them non-stop, except to go home at night. That first Monday, everyone stared at them.  
“I spent three years at this high school with virtually no one ever looking at me. Now they won’t stop,” muttered Cas as they sat around their table at lunch.  
“There’s only three weeks until graduation,” said Naomi bracingly. “We’ll be away from them before you know it.”

Naomi was right. The time leading up to graduation flew by. Pretty soon, there was only a week left. Cas, Balthazar, Bobby, and the Winchesters were sitting in the kitchen one night. The boys had all been swamped with end-of-semester homework and were taking a break to eat some brownies that Naomi had made for them.   
“I’m gonna go back up and work on that English essay,” Cas announced.  
“Okay, I’ll be up in a little bit,” said Dean.  
Cas put his last bite of brownie in his mouth and left the kitchen.  
About ten minutes later, Dean trudged up the stairs. His bedroom door was open and the light was off, so he figured Cas had finished his essay and was in the bathroom brushing his teeth. Yawning, he flicked on the light switch, then froze. Someone had handwritten a message on the wall in red paint:  
“CAUGHT YOU, BLUEBIRD.”  
Dean’s breath caught in his chest and his gaze fell slowly from the message to the bed directly beneath it. Lying in a pool of his own blood, a long gash across his throat, was Cas. His blue eyes were wide, his face pale and frozen in a look of terror. Dean stared, heart pounding furiously.  
“Cas?” he whispered weakly.  
He stumbled forward as though sleepwalking and fell to his knees beside the bed. Up close, Dean realized that the words on the wall weren’t written in paint, but in Cas’ blood. Dean struggled to catch his breath as his tears threatened to choke him. He grabbed Cas’ hand and clung to it desperately as though just holding some part of him might bring him back, and just knelt by Cas’ side, letting his tears flow freely.  
Balthazar, Sam, and Bobby were still in the kitchen when Dean wandered in several minutes later, looking lost.   
“Dean? I thought you went up – Dean, what’s wrong?” said Bobby, standing up.  
“Is that blood?” Balthazar asked.  
Dean looked down at his trembling, bloodstained hands as though seeing them for the first time.  
“Dean, what’s going on?” said Bobby.  
“It’s... it’s Cas...” Dean murmured, looking up at them again.  
Looking panicked, Balthazar hurried past him and bolted up the stairs. Bobby and Sam followed quickly after him, Dean trailing behind in a grief-stricken daze. Up in Dean’s room, Balthazar stood stone-like in the middle of the floor, staring at the scene with an unreadable expression. Bobby took one look and turned back, ushering Sam away.  
“No, Sam, I don’t want you to see this. Call the cops and wait downstairs,” he said grimly.  
Sam obeyed, hurrying past Dean as he joined Bobby in the doorway of his room.  
“Dean, wash that blood off your hands and go back downstairs with your brother,” said Bobby.  
Dean didn’t move.   
“Come on, Dean,” Bobby urged. “Dean, look at me! There’s nothing you can do for him, and staying up here is only gonna make it worse for you. Now wash that blood off yours hands and go downstairs.”  
Dean swallowed hard as a single tear trickled down his cheek. Finally, he nodded and followed Sam downstairs. Bobby turned back into the room where Balthazar still stood frozen.   
“Come on, Balthazar, go with Sam and Dean,” he said.   
Balthazar snapped out of it and stared at Bobby, who grabbed his arm and led him downstairs.

When the police arrived, Bobby refused to let them interrogate the boys, answering all their questions himself. Sam was curled up in one corner of the couch, crying silently. Dean sat in the other corner. His face was still wet from crying, but he seemed to have run out of tears. Balthazar sat in the armchair, hugging his knees to his chest and staring off into space. He hadn’t shed a single tear, but there was a dead, far-off look in his eyes, as though when his best friend died, part of his soul had died with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so sorry.


	10. The Outcast Angels of Lawrence High

Bobby was able to keep them all home from school the next day. Saturday was the funeral. The Winchesters, Bobby, Balthazar, and Naomi were the only people there. Cas’ grave was under a tree, one that would be covered in blossoms every spring. It was a beautiful spot. The five of them stood side by side in the shade of the tree. A little bundle of flowers was propped up against the tombstone. One by one, they turned away from the grave until only Dean was left. He glanced over his shoulder as Balthazar walked off with Naomi on his arm, then turned back to the dark slab of stone. Taking a deep breath, Dean cleared his throat.  
“Cas, you go your ears on?” he said softly. “I... I don’t know if you can hear me but... anyway, I’ll get on with it.”  
He paused a moment, searching for the words.  
“Neither of us have ever had it easy. I know when we met... I know that you were at one of the lowest points in your life. I feel like... I saved you that day... and I just wish... I wish I could have saved you this time too. God, you have no idea how much I wish that.”  
Dean wiped a tear away with his sleeve and continued,  
“I don’t know if you remember but... it was a Thursday when I met you. And it was a Thursday when... when you...” He fought back a sob. “I guess you could say my life began and ended on a Thursday.”  
He didn’t bother to wipe away the tear that fell this time. It was a few minutes before he could find his voice again.  
“I love you, Cas. I love you so much. I wish this was some Disney movie so that would be all it takes to bring you back. But it’s not, so... well... I guess this is it. Goodbye, Cas.”  
Dean took a steadying breath and dried his cheeks on his sleeve. Then he turned and went back to join the others at the car.

The next morning, Dean and Bobby sat at the kitchen table. The news reporter on the TV was announcing that Michael had been caught and rearrested in the early hours of the morning, and would soon be going on trial to determine his sentence. Dean scowled and turned off the TV, tossing the remote roughly back onto the table.  
“If only they’d caught him sooner,” he muttered bitterly.  
“I know. I wish they had too,” said Bobby. “But it’s good they got him now rather than later. You realize he’d probably come for you next.”  
“I wish he had come for me!” growled Dean.  
“You don’t mean that,” Bobby said in alarm.  
“I do! I’d have taken him down with me so he would never hurt Sammy, or you, or Balthazar, or anyone ever again!”  
“Dean –” Bobby began, but Sam came into the kitchen and he stopped short.  
“Where’s Balthazar?” Sam asked.  
“We figured he was still in bed,” said Bobby.  
“He’s not. I thought he’d be down here, but he isn’t, and he isn’t anywhere else in the house either,” said Sam.  
Dean and Bobby both frowned. Just then, the phone rang and Bobby stood up to answer it.  
“Hello? ...This is him.... Yes, I am....” There was a very long pause. “Thank you for calling me. We’ll be there soon.”  
Bobby very slowly set the phone back on the receiver and turned to Sam and Dean.  
“What was that about?” Dean asked.  
“That was the sheriff. They found Balthazar,” Bobby replied.  
“Great! Where was he?” said Sam.  
“Hanging from the tree above Cas’ grave,” said Bobby grimly. “He’s dead. Killed himself.”

Sam, Dean, and Bobby walked over to where a small cluster of cops stood under Cas’ tree. A badly tied noose was being taken down from the strongest branch. A stretcher stood just a few feet from the tree, covered in a white sheet. A limp hand hung over the edge and Dean recognized Balthazar’s battered old ring on the middle finger. Tearing his eyes away, he turned to the sheriff as he approached.  
“Bobby Singer, I presume?” he said.  
“That’s me,” said Bobby.  
“I’m so sorry about all this. I know you all were close to him, and to Castiel Novak... I’ve been very involved in this whole case,” the sheriff said.  
“Heard you caught the murderer,” Bobby said.  
“Yes, we did. But I guess he didn’t need to walk free to take another victim,” the sheriff sighed.  
He reached into his pocket and pulled out three folded pieces of paper.  
“These were found on the ground beneath him...” he said. “They’re for you.”  
He handed them each one of the papers. Dean looked down at the one the sheriff gave him. His name was written on it in a spiky, angled scrawl he recognized as Balthazar’s. Slowly he unfolded it and began to read:  
“Dear Dean,  
By the time you’re reading this, I’ll be dead. I’m so sorry to put you all through even more grief, but it had to end this way. For me, at least. I just want you to understand why.  
Cas was a brother to me. We were there for each other through everything, ever since we were kids. I know you can get that, you’ve got Sam. Seeing him lying there when he died, I saw the look on his face... he was terrified. And he was alone. I couldn’t leave him alone, Dean. I’d already done that once, I just couldn’t abandon him again. I hope you understand why I did this, Dean. It wasn’t just that I couldn’t live without him. I just couldn’t let him face death alone.  
Inclosed with this letter is another one. It’s for Naomi. I know Bobby will be the one they call when they find me, so... I trust you to make sure this letter gets to her. And make sure she knows just how much I love her, will you?   
I just want to thank you, Dean. For everything. For making sure Cas wasn’t alone when I was gone. For loving him. For becoming a brother to me.  
And promise me one thing, please. Don’t give up. Live your life. Sure, you can grieve for Cas and me. But please, don’t forget to live. If not for me, then for Cas.  
Once again, I’m so sorry, Dean.  
Your brother, Balthazar.”

Dean looked down at the second piece of paper folded in his hand, addressed to Naomi. Then he folded up his own letter and tucked both into his coat pocket. 

Balthazar was buried next to Cas, under the tree in which he died. There was a tiny obituary in the paper recognizing his death, but nothing more. The final week of school was a blur for Dean. It seemed as though most of the people he passed in the hall were just going about their lives, excited for summer, as though Cas and Balthazar were still alive and well and everything was fine. But it wasn’t. It wasn’t fine at all.  
The day of graduation came at last. Everyone was talking excitedly, celebrating the end of high school. Dean and Naomi sat together in silence, surrounded by their colleagues, the only students who seemed to know or care that two of their number were missing. The principal stepped up to the podium and the crowd settled down.  
“Congratulations, seniors, on four years of hard work and perseverance. Whether you have spent all four of those years here in Lawrence, or whether some of that time was spent elsewhere, you have been working for this day for a long time, and you’ve earned it. It is an honor and a privilege to stand in front of you as your principal at the end of this journey. I am proud of all of you,” she paused. “Now, graduation is a time of celebration. But I feel as though it would be wrong if I did not take the time to mention those we have lost.”  
A hush fell over the room and Dean stared at her in surprise.  
“Just this week, two of your peers lost their lives. Cas Novak and Balthazar Montpierre were bright students, but more importantly, they were kind and brave young men. I watched them both grow during their four years here. Their circle of friends was small, but fiercely loyal and always there for each other,” she paused again, taking a moment to look over the crowd. “Our school mascot is an angel. I don’t know what prompted our founders to choose that. But I think, as we celebrate graduation and remember these two young men, that we should also remember our symbol. An angel is so much more than a sophomore in fluffy wings urging on the crowds. Angels are people like Cas Novak and Balthazar Montpierre, who stand up for their friends and stick together. Students like them are the real Lawrence High Angels. So by all means, celebrate. That’s what graduation is all about. But as you do, remember them. Remember Cas Novak and Balthazar Montpierre, the real Lawrence High Angels, and celebrate for them. So I say again, congratulations, and thank you for a great four years.”  
The room was quiet as she stepped away from the podium, but slowly, the crowd began to applaud.

It was two weeks since graduation. Dean and Naomi had driven to a lake outside of town and were now sitting on the hood of the Impala, sipping beers that Dean had stolen from Bobby’s stash in the fridge.   
“Balthazar and I had planned that after graduation, he and I would rent one of those cabins on the other side of this lake for a weekend. Have the place to ourselves, you know,” said Naomi. “Sleep in, get drunk, go skinny-dipping at midnight then go back inside and make love in front of a cozy fire...”  
Dean looked at her with a sad smile.  
“I bet that would’ve been great,” he said.  
“It would’ve been perfect,” Naomi sighed wistfully.  
“You miss him a lot, don’t you?” said Dean.  
“Of course. Every single day. Just like I know you miss Cas,” said Naomi.  
“Yeah. I do miss him,” said Dean quietly. “But I keep reminding myself of something Balthazar said in the letter he left me.”  
“Oh yeah?”  
“He said to not give up, and to remember to live my life,” said Dean. “And when I get down... I just... think of that. And I tell myself that that’s what Cas would want the most for me. Learning to live without them is hard, that’s for damn sure. But we can do it.”  
Naomi smiled a little.  
“The least we can do it try,” she said.  
Dean nodded and took a sip of his beer.  
“Y’know what?” he said suddenly.  
“What?” asked Naomi.  
“I think we just might be okay.”

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you've enjoyed this fic! like i said in earlier chapter notes, i wrote this a couple years ago, so it's not my best work, but it's still one of my better ones and i find it fun (if rather heartbreaking) all the same. 
> 
> keep checking back to my profile as i start posting more of my favorite fics that i've written, and don't forget to leave kudos and/or feedback on this one, it's greatly appreciated :) thanks for reading!


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